I have what many people consider an unusual job. To some, it seems ideal and to others it is too terrible to even imagine. I have no office outside the home and no co-workers that I see daily. The way this job is supposed to work, Catherine assigns me "cases" at the beginning of the month and then we schedule them together. We have to work the schedule around so that I am available to be in court for either a probable cause hearing or a trial basically on a moments notice. On a day when I'm scheduled to do an evaluation, I get up (usually very early) and am on the road to some prison anywhere from 200 miles away to 800 miles away. The longer trips require me to drive to a hotel near the prison the night before. On the day of the evaluation, I'm at some prison by about 8:30. I then review all the "master" records on that inmate and all the medical records on that inmate. Then, I interview the inmate in a highly structured interview session. If the inmate decides to interview with me, this interview process usually takes about 4 hours.

Inmates are not required to participate in the interview and every now and again one refuses. Once the interview is completed, I return home and complete the actuarials and the PCL-R, integrate the interview with the file materials which had been provided to me prior to the interview and write a "staffing". I then contact one or more of the psychologists with whom I work and we "staff" the case. Once the case is staffed, we decide whether or not we will refer to case to the Attorney General and State's Attorney for civil commitment.

If we decide to refer the case, there's a bunch of paperwork that I need to fax to Catherine (the administrative assistant and my rudder). She informs the Attorney General and the State's Attorney that we have decided to refer a case and a report will be coming. I get busy writing a very long and rather complex report. Once the Attorney General and States Attorney receives that report, they then must decide whether or not they want to go forward and file on the case. If they file, we will need to do a probable cause hearing within 72 hours of the time they filed. At the time of any probable cause hearing, I'll be required to testify. Within a a few months, the cases are supposed to go to trial. At that time, there will also be another expert for the state that testifies, an expert for the defense that testifies and me.

It's difficult work requiring very significant expertise in the field. There are strict standards and criteria that must be met on these cases. There are strict timelines and deadlines. It is sometimes adversarial and it is very stressful for all concerned. It can be very lonely work. Remember, there is no office and no colleague I see every day. There's no going out for a coffee break with a colleague and there is no stopping for happy hour after work.

As it turns out this week, I was driving to an evaluation Thursday. Catherine called and there was an emergency. I'll be driving to another evaluation on New Years Eve, coming home to do all the work-up and doing the staffing on New Years Day because the deadline for going to court is the first week of January. That means I'll spend New Years Eve and New Years doing the evaluation and the first day or two of the New Year writing a very long complicated report and getting ready for court testimony. In the two years I've had this job one of the things I've learned is that all the emergencies happen on Thursday or Friday so that I'm invariably hunched over my keyboard on weekends and important holidays. Never fails.

But, I love this job. It's honorable, hard work that utilizes my skills and demands that I continue to gain new skills routinely. The research expands exponentially. There is always reading and studying that needs to be done. Sometimes, it's lonely work and I miss a coffee break with colleages. At the same time, one of the things I love most about the job is the autonomy and the independence.

I hated being tied to a 7:30 to 4:00 job where I saw the same people every day and was expected to do the same mind deadening tasks every day---day after day after day. Now, every day is new and every day presents new challenges-----sometimes those challenges are none to pleasant, but they are new challenges. Catherine (pictured above) is the rudder in my life. She keeps the boat floating in the correct direction and I value her greatly.

Gifts from Heaven

Maggie, Eric's youngest sister, stopped by for a few hours today. She needed help getting a job application put into a required form called application manager. She'd already submitted the application and we had faxed some thirty pages of accolades, awards, letters of outstanding merit, etc., etc., etc. But, that was not enough. To consider the application, the entire thing had to be retyped and submitted in PDF format through this application manager thing. I didn't know how to do it. Thankfully, Eric is skilled at computer things and was able to help her complete it in the proper form.

As much as I dread the possibility of her moving to Texas, I want her to get the job. Love requires allowing people to leave and pursue their best lives. But, I will miss her terribly.

While she was here, I fixed a sort of late Christmas or early New Year's dinner. I cooked the Paula Deen turkey breast which was truly excellent. I made some yams, dressing, green beans, gravy and cracked open a jar of olives. I served turtle cheesecake for dessert, but everyone was too full to eat it. I packed up turkey, dressing, gravy, prime rib and half the cheesecake and sent it home with her. Hopefully, her teenage boys will help eat it. Otherwise, she's going to be eating a lot of cold leftovers for lunch at work.

While he was here, my son dropped by for a couple of hours with his two young sons. They are in town from Texas for a very short period of time. I refer to 2 year old Ephram and almost 5 month old Gideon as Gifts from Heaven (pictured above). I clearly remember being quite spent physically and emotionally after giving birth to my son in a military hospital in 1967. Literally, immediately after his birth I voiced my hopes and dreams to become a grandmother at a very young age. My son was born when I had just turned 21 and I calculated that I could easily become a grandmother in my early 40's. Grandchildren have always been my fondest dream!

Ephram was born a month and a half after I turned 59 about 20 years after I had hoped for him. Then, Gideon arrived shortly before my 61st birthday. I had just about given up hope for grandchildren. I adore them both beyond all reason.

As much as I love the children, in truth they do not know me. They live in Texas. I visited shortly after each child was born and I visited when Ephram was only about 6 months old. I only get one week of vacation a year. They were home last Christmas and I got to see them at the home of my former husband's mother-in-law. Today was the first time the children have been to our home.

I call and talk with my son every week usually, but Ephram is not very good yet with the phone. He's two, he was very tired, his routine has been disrupted by the trip, and he was in a new strange place. He'd not gotten to bed until midnight last night and then awakened at 5 am this morning. Gideon, of course, doesn't mind being in a new strange place as long as he is held constantly (and I was more than willing to hold him). I was overwhelmingly pleased that my son was able to bring the children by even if for a short time. Hopefully, I'll be able to schedule a little time off and fly to Texas in the near future.

I am concerned that the children will grow up without them even having a real awareness of who we are and how dearly they are loved. But, today was a start. Hopefully, the next time they visit the Midwest they will be able to visit again.

Eric suggested that each time I send them a gift, I also send a snapshot so they will have some idea of we are. I hate the idea of pairing images of us to material goods.

The saddest aspect of this Christmas season is that my former husband and Diane are in Mexico and did not get to see the children at all. Of course, the trip to Mexico was planned long before my son even knew that he would get three days off to visit home. Getting the time off was a last minute thing which was cut short by demands of the hospital that he be back and on duty New Years Eve. What I do know is that it will be genuinely tragic for those children if they are cheated out of truly knowing their grandparents. Bonding requires that we spend time with them and they need for us to spend time with them.

Introducing Dakota

Dakota came to live with us in the fall of 2000. The evening I found her, I was on my way from the psychiatric hospital to the medical hospital to get money from the ATM machine in the main medical hospital lobby.

At the time, I was employed at the psychiatric hospital in (of all places) Hazard, Kentucky. Dakota was a blonde butterball of fluff. She'd been placed in a cardboard box and shoved under the back wheel of a visitors car so that when they backed their car out they would crush her. The cardboard box was soaked in urine and feces and she was soaked to her skin with urine and matted with feces. I asked the security guards to find me a clean box so I could put her in my car. Once in the car, I immediately took her to the nearest vet. Fortunately, they accepted a "walk-in", bathed her, dried her, and told me to keep her warm that night. The vet said that given the weather that night she would have frozen to death. In truth, she would have been crushed by some car before she froze to death.

Dakota was still too young to be weaned from her mother's milk so feeding her was a problem. Feeding her was nothing compared to the vet care she required. Dakota had every intestinal parasite known to dogkind. Eight months later we had begun to rid her of intestinal parasites and she'd had all her shots. Shortly thereafter she was spayed. She responded well to good medical care and proper food and she grew and grew and grew. I should have recognized that she was going to be a big girl just from the size of her puppy feet.

When I left Hazard a few months later to move back to the Midwest, she survived the car trip. The car suffered significantly as she vomited all the way. Her tummy never settled down during the whole car trip. I barely survived the car trip. She perched on the floor of the back seat, positioning her head on my right shoulder and vomited down the right side of my sweater the entire way home. Once home, she settled right in.

The entire neighborhood fell in love with her. Our next door neighbor (the man with the very tidy yard) was observed sneaking her a half dozen donuts one morning. Dakota has never forgotten those donuts and her love for him has never wavered. As a general rule, she fears men with the exception of our next door neighbor and Eric. Dakota is an odd looking dog. We have never figured out her lineage. She's a blonde with a double coat, one brown eye and one ice blue eye. He blue eye is blue with a black pupil. The photograph makes it look like she has a red eye, but that's an error of the photo that I don't know how to fix.

We've had her seven years now and she has won our hearts. Last fall, she was diagnosed with cancer. Her chemotherapy was administered every other week for six months. She was remarkably cooperative with treatment. She literally would sprawl on the table and stretch out her front leg and willingly permit the vet to administer the lengthy sessions of medication. While she was on the chemotherapy she was also given Prednisone and experience significant weight gain. But, the vet said let her eat what she wanted and we'd worry about a diet once she survived the cancer. Her booty became quite substantial as she was eating five 23 ounce cans of Pedigree a day. Once off the chemo and off the Prednisone, she cut herself back to two 13 ounce cans of Pedigree a day and slimmed back down to about 65 pounds. Once off the chemo, we were also able to get a truly dreadful ear infection under control. I think she hated having her ears flushed weekly and the ear medication daily more than she hated the chemo.

We don't say Dakota is free of cancer because the unfortunate part of cancer is that it comes back. We're afraid to say she's cancer free. Right now, she's doing well and seems as happy and content as a dog can be.

We are so pleased that we have been given the opportunity to serve as a steward for her life.

Life long joy becoming a career in retirement

My former husband has been a photographer since long before I met him in 1964. Throughout our marriage, he always took wonderful pictures. Earlier in 2007, as he is entering his sixth decade he has joined the Professional Photographers of America and developing a new career. He is having more than slight success in getting contracts or bookings (or whatever photographers call these things). Always wonderful, his photography has improved every year.

Without a doubt, his photographs are some of the most treasured ones on the walls of our home. Recently, I matted many photos with wide white mats and classic black frames and created a wall of photographs in our home. It's quite impressive. If and when, I can figure out how to add photos to this medium and if I can get his permission, I will post a couple. I won't post his work without his permission.



Recently, his wife emailed me that they are headed for Tampa and then on to Cozumel. They are leaving the 29th. The photography organization has an annual conference in Florida and this year it is followed by a cruise to Cozumel. They are going to all sorts of conference sessions and pre-conference sessions. It gives them a chance to network with other photographers, gain additional tools, learn more about the business and marketing side of the profession and have a wonderful vacation. They went to one of the associations conferences in Memphis in July and had a wonderful time. Roger is involved in the artistic side of the photography and Diane is focusing on the business side. They're a good match in so very many ways.


Personally, I am hoping that he gets to take lots of photographs while in Mexico. I'm happy that they are getting to go and hope they have a wonderful time, but (selfish me) I'm thinking also about beautiful pictures of Mexico. Usually, he gives me access to a couple of wonderful pictures.

Diane's daughter, Roger's step-daughter and my informally (sort of) adopted daughter is providing care for what Diane refers to as the "zoo" while they are gone.

As I look back over my life, I am struck by how incredibly blessed I've been to have had the opportunity to have the three of them in my life.

Every neighborhood has its eccentrics

About a year or so ago, we had a tad of a problem in our very nice, neat, quiet neighborhood--very tidy, law abiding suburb. Our next door neighbor (whom I adore) called the police on his next door neighbor. Even prior to this incident, I had believed that this neighbor (one door removed from us) was a little odd. But, every neighborhood has its unusual folks.

The reason our neighbor called the police was that his next door neighbor was cutting up large quantities of pornographic magazines into small bits about 1 X 2 inches and storing them under cover in his back yard. At times, the Midwest has significant wind. When the wind would kick up, the cover would blow aside and these little nasty bits would blow all over the neighborhood. Our neighbor maintains a very tidy yard. It's the pride of the neighborhood! He got tired of cleaning up all those "nasty bits".

The police were none to interested until he explained that all the youngsters from the middle school were congregating, picking up and studying the little pieces of paper containing bits of naked women engaging in a variety of behaviors. The police came right out! They made the guy clean up the mess and gave him quite a serious talk. The police referred to the behavior as "chumming". I'd never heard that phrase used to refer to the behaviors engaged in by sexual predators to lure children. I'd always heard it used in terms of "chumming" for fish. Throwing bait in the water so that fish will congregate and be easier to catch.

When I was told about this incident, it concerned me. I was concerned for a rather sophisticated psychological reason. I was worried about the children becoming fixated on what mental health professionals sometimes refer to a "partial objects". Sometimes, we see people who become fixated on feet, toes, or other individual body parts rather than becoming attracted to whole integrated people. A more practical concern (and probably the concern for the police) is that little children are profoundly curious about this sort of stimuli and will do exactly what the fish do--congregate making them very vulnerable for catching and subsequent seduction.

At any rate, he cleaned the yard up and appeared to have been laying low for the last few months. A couple of days ago, the neighbor who turned him in told Eric and me that the man is still doing it but he's cutting up "nicer" pictures. Now he appears to being leaving little parts of pictures of women wearing panties and bras. Anyone who has ever worked in a sexual predator unit knows that if the residents can't get pornography, they'll use pictures of women and children from the Sears catalog, J.C. Penny catalog or the advertisments from a daily newspaper. And middle school kids will congregate even for partial pictures of partial nudity. So, the problem continues.

My poor neighbor and Eric both believe he is not a bad man. They believe he's a man who lacks social skills. I believe he's not a bad man and I absolutely agree that he lacks social skills. He's also profoundly isolated. He never has a visitor (except the police) and does not appear to ever go out for social events. Social isolation and lonliness are very powerful dynamic factors. That means when people are isolated and very lonely they are probably more likely to act on any paraphilia they might have.

It's clear to me that he's engaging in high risk behavior. I'm not sure what can be done. As far as I know he has never been arrested or convicted of anything. I hope and pray that he has not offended against any of the children. We have a huge beautiful middle school that backs up to all our property and the children are out on the soceer field even on weekends.

Musings of a scattered family

It's cold and crisp. No snow. We had quite enough snow to last me a while last week. The positive side of the snow was shoveling the driveway. Good brisk exercise!

Eric is working. He always works Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. Personally, I find that very annoying. I understand that planes have to keep flying, but I'd like for him to be home on Christmas Day. We had Christmas dinner yesterday. I cooked a Prime Rib because he doesn't like turkey and I don't like ham. He likes Prime Rib and I can tolerate it.

I'll attempt to call my sister today. She and her partner just completed a wild and wooly round about trip to Maine, then down to Indiana to see family, then to Graceland, and then to some casino in Mississippi before returning to Florida. Hopefully, she'll get to see her son and his son today. She may also get to see her step daughter and family today. She left Indiana 30 years ago and has created a full life for herself in Florida. I don't understand the attraction of Florida, but I don't have to live there. It's too hot year round. I miss her, but I have no right to criticize. I left Indiana more than 30 years ago. For me, there are only ghosts left there. I miss those ghosts terribly.

My son and his family are in Texas. They will visit in a few days. I look forward to seeing them. They have a son who just turned two and a son just born in August. I told my son he needs to get himself snipped. He'll be 60 when those boys start college. I don't think he's planning to take my advice about the snipping business. And, that may be wise. Having only one child is sad.

A friend recently confided that her husband wants to have their seventh child. They have six under eight years old. Her husband's thought is that children are the only thing that can't be taken away from you. She's an attorney and given the business we're in that's probably true!. But, it's going to be a lot of expense right when he or they are getting ready to retire and social security probably disappears.

Anyway, the family is scattered hither and yon: Forida, Indiana, Texas, Arizona, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, Minnesota, North Dakota. Holidays are made up of lots of phone calls, emails, car trips and TSA security checks--------and never enough time to go around. I so tire of TSA security lines, but in this culture they are now a necessity I suppose. I remember when flying was a joy to anticipate.

We have a newly engaged niece in Kansas. Tentatively, the wedding is scheduled for July in Kansas. Her sister married last July. It was great fun! There are three nieces and they do weddings well. There are two nephews in Missouri, but much too young to consider marriage (I hope). Their mother is dropping by Saturday. We are scheduled to help her get some application packet ready to submit for a potential job in Texas. I hope she gets the job. It's a good job! I dread her potentially moving to Texas. She's one of my favorite people and I will miss her dreadfully.

Oh well, my son was born in Texas and has moved back. Two of my absolute favorite people in the world live in Texas (Mike and Ruthie) and if Maggie moves to Texas, I'll just have to find a way to visit Texas more often.

I was recently in Denver for a week for training. It was absolutely world class training that unfortunately was held in Denver. I'd be happy to avoid Denver for the rest of my life. But, the training was wonderful.

Another chatty little note later or another day. Chores are calling!!!

Male rape victim in Saudi Arabia

Probably all of us are aware of the gang rape of the young Saudi woman. Finally, some relief was brought to her legal situation after much international pressure. Unfortunately, I learned on the news that the young man who was in her company was also gang raped by the same seven men. Apparently, he received the same punishment as the young female victim. I believe it was 200 lashes and 6 months in prison. While, I applaud the decision to overturn the young woman's punishment, I don't understand why his situation has been ignored by the international community and the media. No country should punish victims. I'm wondering why there has not been the international outcry about this young man's legal situation. I'm very saddened by this situation.