FUNCTIONING WHEN AFRAID

I have a friend and colleague (a young attorney) who volunteered to leave the wife he loves and the four sons he loves beyond all measure to go to the Middle East. We all hate war. My friend hates war. He'd already served his active duty status and did not have to volunteer. But, he got his law degree on the GI Bill and believed that he owed the country something.

So, he headed out (to do prosecutions for the US Government). He's a very good prosecutor and a smart man. He knew that Iraq was a dangerous place and he was a tad anxious.

I heard from him. One and one half weeks ago, he was still alive. I thank God because I care for him deeply as a person and respect the work he does here stateside enormously. I've been fortunate enough to get to work with him in court a couple of times. He does very very good work. We miss him and we need him at home.

Part of his job involves visiting prisons set up by the Iraqi government and the US Government to interview men and women who have been engaged in behaviors harmful to the war effort and to Iraqi civilians. We had spoken previously about the danger of those bombs buried in the roads--they are home made bombs jerry rigged together of ticky tack. But, they are very effective jerry rigged ticky tack.

A couple of weeks ago, two cars driven by American enlisted military men, several attorneys and two other enlisted men were headed out to a prison to do interviews. It was only about 8 blocks from their offices. Things started out OK. Then, the front tire of the front car bumped one of those bombs and it blew up. The driver of the second car (the one my friend was in) lost control of the car and it turned on it's side. Everybody in the front car survived. People were hurt, but it looks like they are all going to live. Some of them will have very painful recoveries due to the fire. People in the second car were hurt but did not sustain burns. They had broken bones, scraps, contusions, concussions, etc. They are going to live. The man in my friend's car who was carrying the "big gun" got hurt badly enough that he could not defend himself or the men he was supposed to keep safe. My friend was able to shake himself back to reason to begin to get upright and help get his colleagues out of the car.

People on the sidelines were throwing objects at the burning car and the wrecked car. In that fog of war and the fog of a car accident, my friend could not tell which of the objects being thrown were going to explode and which were going to make the fire worse. He was afraid to get out of the car or to help his colleagues out of the car because they faced being hurt worse. He was afraid to stay in the car because he feared that one of the objects being hurled at them would cause the car to explode and/or catch fire. He took the "big gun" from his hurt colleague and started to attempt to defend himself and his colleagues. The problem is that some times those objects people throw do explode or make fires worse. At this point, I don't know if the real problem is that people throw potentially explosive objects at a wrecked car or that we are there. Certainly, both sides are argued vehemently and continually.

Except during military service and military training, my friend has never shot a gun in his life--much less shot at a human being. He was afraid and he was confused. It's the fog of war! When people are trying to kill you and your colleagues, you fight back--even when you have just been in a car accident, even when you are disoriented and confused, even when your brain has been slammed around against your skull, even when you are afraid.

The men and women in both cars are alive. My friend got in a little trouble because he shot before he could identify whether the objects being thrown were going to explode or make the fire worse. It's hard, under those circumstances, to identify jerry rigged explosive devices. Basically, he got "written up" and fussed with. Nothing really serious is going to happen to him legally.

To me, the only thing that matters is all the Americans in those two cars are alive and will recover from their physical injuries. My friend was afraid! He probably still is. He wears his helmet and his jacket all the time--even in buildings. They are very hot, heavy and uncomfortable. Some of the guys don't wear them all the time. But, my friend is afraid and hopes that his helmet and jacket will provide him some protection.

Today, all I care about is that my friend is alive. I'm thankful for him and the men and women he was with that he was able to function when he was afraid. I don't care if he gets a medal or is written up. I want him to come home alive--preferably with all his parts still in working order.

I hate war. We all hate war.

FINALLY DONE

The privacy fence will be completed today. Finally!!!! I've been dealing with this fence for well over a month--getting bids, getting the permit, etc. Then, the night the posts went in and the workmen had left so the concrete could set up for a full 24 hours--I started getting faxes from one of the neighbors. She thought we were on her land.

Now, I had gone out of my way to have the city approve the permit for the posts to be set a full 6 inches inside our property line because I knew in my heart of hearts that we'd have trouble with these neighbors. The faxes flew back and forth--right when I was desperately trying to finish a very difficult court report for the Attorney General. Her complaints and the continuing faxes were coming at the very worst time. I was desperately trying to finish a terribly difficult court report and needed to work. Nevertheless, I stopped what I was doing and contacted the fence man. The neighbor faxed her "plot plan". I faxed ours. The fence man assured me that he measured multiple times and followed the city permit and the plot plan exactly. He swore we were a full six inches inside our property line. In this neighborhood, you have to deal with the nosy, bossy, inquisitive neighbors no matter what else is going on in your life or how much work you may have weighing on you in the constant and continuing effort to make a living.

Finally, I got an email from the lady that her family had gone out and measured and that indeed I was correct and she agreed to allow us to have the fence finished. Poor Eric was out taking pictures of the contested area and a tape measure. It was truly absurd and not as if the man had not worked all day. Then, he had to come home and deal with the neighbors complaints about something I wanted done on his land. I had been very very careful because I know what the neighbors in this subdivision are like. The problem was that the neighbors had built (some years ago) a very big and very expensive sauna/spa building much too close to the property line and then planted really big bushes around it. They were concerned about the new fence interfering with their ability to mow easily. The truth is that they need to trim those overgrown bushes even though they are incredibly beautiful bushes.

The poor fence man agreed to re-measure everything today to be absolutely sure that he had not made an error. He told me that these kind of conflicts erupt once out of every four fences he puts up--especially in an urban error. Land is much more expensive in urban areas and people always think they own a few inches of the neighbors land.

Meanwhile, I've arranged for a new gentleman to do some tilling so that I can put in flower beds. I've already got a few of the plants in, but I had to be careful to only put the ones in that would not be in the way of the fence installers. This new gentleman is also going to take care of the lawn care starting in the spring. Finally, I'll be able to terminate our relationship with the old lawn care company--they do a terrible job. I've been dissatisfied with their work for years!

Gradually, over time, and with a lot of work--I'll be able to have the back yard at least look a bit more like a "garden"--a sturdy, tough garden with indigenous plants--but a somewhat more pleasant place to use in privacy. This is something I've wanted for many years. The work is backbreaking in the Missouri clay, but I've been trying to pace myself and work in the earliest of morning hours and the latest of evening hours when it is a bit cooler.

FELLING OF TREES

We have four volunteer trees of some sort that volunteered right on the fence line for the new fence. They had to come out before the fence can go in. Eric and I spent many hours last night removing part of two trees. Eric did most of the work. There are two skinny trees left that I'm going to try to remove today. Also, I'm attempting to chop all the limbs from the larger trees that Eric took down last night into manageable pieces for the "tree truck" to remove. The "tree truck" comes around once a week and picks up lawn debris that residents have placed by the street.

Even cutting the pieces into small manageable pieces is hot hard work. Eric did a lot of hot hard work last night getting most of the bigger trees down.

I hated taking the trees down. Seems like they could have volunteered somewhere other than the fence line. I'm planning to plant new trees once the fence is in---not in the fence line. I already miss the old trees. They provided nice shade and cool spots. I hated killing them.

The fence man stopped by this morning to get the permit and his downpayment. He's going to start putting the fence up on the 28th and 29th. Given that Dakota flew over the 5 foot tall chain link fence last night in pursuit of a rabbit (which she did not catch thankfully), I hope a six foot privacy fence that inhibits her sight of rabbits controls her at least a little. She's never done it in the past, but now I'm afraid to let her in the back yard. A flying dog is a bit more than I'd planned on in my lifetime.

I purchased six Holly plants to plant along the very back fence. Hopefully, they'll help deaden sound from the middle school---at least a little. The "tiller man" is coming today at 3 pm to do some really heavy tilling in this Missouri clay. Then, I'll use our smaller tiller after he completes the heavy tilling. Our tiller really pulverizes chunks of heavy clay and permits amending the soil with manure and such.

I don't think Eric "sees" the backyard in his mind the way I do. He doesn't enjoy being outside in the yard, but I do. He enjoyed the very hot hard work of taking the trees down about as much as I'm enjoying chopping the debris into small pieces for the "tree truck". Hot, sweaty hard work. Oh well, has to be done. No way around it. Break over--back to the mess.

STATISTICS

Yesterday, I had a stack of assessments ready to staff with Barry. It took all day--literally.

I can go for months without a "referral"--meaning that I do the evaluation and decide not to refer for commitment. I've got the best statistics of the four of us. This is important because it means when I actually refer someone and am sitting in the witness stand, I can truthfully testify that I refer less than 2% for commitment. Ninty-eight percent of these guys, I send home. Only 2% get referred for commitment. This means I only refer the "worst of the worst" which is what we are supposed to be doing. This goes over well with juries.

Last week, while Eric was in Kansas I referred someone. I spent the weekend writing his report and will do Probable Cause on him before the end of August.

Yesterday, we staffed this stack of assessments I'd done and three of them "went bad" meaning they are referrals. One of them was a rapist who also engages in sodomy--multiples times. Then you need to add on the 1st degree murder he did. First degree murder always makes things worse. Then, there was the parole violator sending nude videos of himself engaging in autoerotic activities in front of a web cam to eight teenage girls in 8 different states. He'd already had a contact offense and been caught previously (and gone to prison) for his autoerotic activies with a web cam. Then, there was the guy who claimed to be an "in the closet" homosexual and chooses little boys (4 times) to avoid being rejected by other adult homosexuals.

Each of these cases will require reports that take no less than 16 hours to write, probable cause hearings, trials, and hours of court prep. None of that is a big deal. That's just work. I get paid to do work.

My first thought was 'my stats are going to be ruined'. Barry pointed out that I have the bests stats of the four of us and one bad stretch won't ruin two years of stats. If I think logically, I know Barry is right. Truth is, that I'll probably pull a four or six month stretch when I refer nobody. And, the stats will be OK in the long run. Not thinking logically, I'm going to do an evaluation tomorrow where the guy raped 4 different women (meaning four different cases and four different sentencing dates), all strangers and all in public places. All those components drive his scores up. I suspect, I'll need to refer him also. And, then there is another guy on Monday who is a parole violator. Unfortunately, while on parole he actually arranged in person meets with little girls (for sexual purposes) and with a couple of cops. The cops were not amused! Neither was the parole board. Fortunately, the little girls got away when they realized what they had walked into. But, his scores went up. He also got in trouble the last time I evaluated him when he showed up for the interview wearing no underwear. I did not discover this. The Correctional Officer discovered this during the body search. The inmate didn't do anything to me, but I'm sure the CO probably wrote him up. All that sends his scores up.

I'll settle myself down and just get the work done. We're just going through a bad stetch. The work load is really heavy on all four of us right now and we're all getting assignments of guys who are doing unacceptable bad things repeatedly and guys violating parole. In the long run, the stats will settle down and things will be OK.

MOSCOW RULES

While Eric was at the wedding, I bought Daniel Silva's new book--Moscow Rules. He's a really good writer and it's a splendid summertime back yard read. I admit I thought he was being a little tough on the Russians. After all, the cold war is supposed to be over--dead and buried.

Then, Russia invaded Georgia with tanks and bombed their cities to smithers. Georgia is about the size of South Carolina with a population the size of Alabama. The entire action is as absurd as the United States invading South Carolina and South Carolina calling out it's National Guard to defend itself. Georgia has no hope of defending itself and unfortunately there does not seem to be a thing any of the more civilized governments can do about it.

But, I think Russia's behavior speaks to its character. Old dogs don't learn new tricks. Leopards don't change their spots. We need to keep our friends close and our enemies even closer. Moscow Rules is a cautionary tale, but Russia's behavior speaks loud and clear to its desire and plans to return to the olden days. It's behavior is clearly a cautionary tale written brutally with tanks and bombs and death.

MISSING THE WEDDING

Eric left for Wichita at 6:40 this morning. He's attending the wedding of the youngest of the "girls" in the family. First, Lori married, then Jen, and now Amanda. We have two boys left to engage in nuptials, but they are still quite young. There's no telling when Jonathan and Daniel will decide to settle down to married life. They've got plenty of time. They're still barely more than teenagers.

I ran about trying to make sure he didn't forget anything. Ruthie has promised to make sure he does not show up at the wedding wearing his shorts and white sneakers with no socks. The gifts were neatly tucked into his new truck before he left and to the best of my knowledge he had everything he was supposed to take. Jen's expecting a little boy in September so there are gifts for the expected newcomer and one really nice gift for the bridal couple.

I'm at home providing dog chemo care. This is the first of the family gatherings I've had to miss since we started living together---nearly ten years ago. I'm saddened that I don't get to go because I always enjoy spending time with his extended family so much.

My extended family consists of my sister, her son, his son, her partner of 30 years (Dana), my former husband, Diane, and Becky (her daughter) by her former husband. And, of course, I have Dean (my son), Cassie and my two grandsons. Family is in short supply on my side of this couple. But, Eric has a multitude of family all over the United States so it is especially wonderful to be accepted and included by them. I didn't choose him because he had a big family, but it sure is nice that he has family and that they have been willing to include me. There are families that exclude one partner's family. Fortunately, Eric's family has chosen to include me. I'm deeply grateful to them for that inclusion.

I am glad he got to attend the wedding. He dearly loves all his siblings and all their children. I hope everybody has a lot of fun, takes lots of pictures and emails me lots of pictures. Ruthie promised she would. I suspect Maggie will also. Ann sent me the sweetest email expressing her understanding of why I need to skip the wedding and provide chemo care.

Meanwhile, I've poured hydrachloric acid over the driveway and scrubbed it in an attempt to remove rust spots. About a year ago, a workman was building us two retaining walls in the back yard and his radiator sort of exploded. Truth is that Eric did not care much about the rust spots, but they were driving our next door neighbor crazy. I got most of the spots off, but it took several hours and lots of scrubbing. I think I'm going to have to go buy another jug of the stuff Eric bought. Eric recognizes that he "should" have cared about the rust spots, but was not all that upset by them. However, those rust spots were making Gerald crazy.

Dakota appears to be doing well this morning for a dog enduring chemo. She's had her fourth chemo session and now drops from weekly sessions to every other week for the next four sessions.

I've also staffed a case with Barry this morning. He had a long, grueling court session yesterday. It was a long drive, then the county only has one judge, another trial was going on and they had to wait several hours for the judge to get some free time. Meanwhile, the inmate got frightened and upset by the long wait--he thought something was wrong.

What usually happens in these cases--when there is another trial going on--is that the judge eventually gives all the participants in the ongoing trial a recess for lunch/bathroom break/dinner or something like that and then the judge hears the probable cause case. I suspect most people don't realize how hard judges work. Basically, everybody else gets lunch/bathroom break/dinner or something and he keeps working. Probable cause hearings normally only take about an hour unless they are ones I'm testifying in. I've had probable cause hearings last 5 hours with me testifying the entire time. Draining! Anyway, Barry's case took so long yesterday that he decided not to attempt to drive back to Chicago last night and was driving this morning.

We staffed one of my cases and decided to refer him. It's a guy who repeatedly has sex with teenage girls, but does not consider himself a child molester. Children (to him) are humans 10 years old and younger. As far as he is concerned 13 and 14 year old girls are fair game. So, I need to get the report written this weekend. That will take 16 hours straight. It's a good thing I didn't go to Wichita.

I also need to make my weekly run to Sam's. Eric told me to pick up two inexpensive items on Thursday. Neither of us wrote it down on Thursday. This morning neither of us could remember what he told me to pick up. Old age is not creeping, it's coming with the speed of a runaway frieght train.

I also need to talk with the neighbor's son (Bob) about an offer he made in terms of the privacy fence. Bob is a very sucessful realtor--REALLY SUCCESSFUL--and he provided the referral for the man who did our porcelain tile floors. He literally knows the best contractors and subcontractors. We already have a good, reasonable bid from a local fencing contractor (whose work I've seen), but we also need some concrete work done to keep the dogs from digging out. They are such diggers. They don't really want to leave, they just like to dig. They dug a hole so big in the middle of the back yard, that poor blind Jake fell in the other day and couldn't get out. I removed Jake from the hole and filled it in. I just repair the holes they dig in the middle of the yard, but I want some concrete around the edge of the yard so they don't accidentally get out. The slope of our land also requires a concrete ramp by one of the gates. It will serve two purposes. it will make it easier to get the garden cart from the back yard to the front when we need to and it will keep the dogs from digging under the gate. They are really determined diggers and Jake is so blind that if he got out, he'd trot right into the street. The other night, I was out cutting down wild honeysuckle and Jake was running about. He trotted right into tree trunks because he basically only sees shadows at this stage of his life. Invariably, he pretends he intended to run into the tree. To him, it's important to pretend he has control even if most of his ability to control events has escaped him.

CONTINUING SAGA

It's the privacy fence again. Eric and I went to Deck and Fence Company on Saturday to get a bid on a privacy fence. We have a very small amount of area to be fenced. One side of the yard needs 60 feet of fencing. The other side of the yard needs about 85 feet of fencing. And, we need 4 gates to construct 2 eight foot gates so the lawncare people can get their mowers in. There is already chain link fencing around the back yard. The chain link divides the yard so that 60 feet of it is yard and about 25 feet of it is a section at the very back that our neighbor uses for vegetables.

That 25 feet was originally left open because of the school behind our house. It's a huge middle school and directly behind our house is a gigantic soceer field--we are talking acres. The school uses it for athletic events and what they refer to as band practice. The kids had this habit of climbing over the school fence and cutting through our yard as a short cut to their houses. We didn't want problems with those children. For the most part, they aren't criminal--just unpleasant, destructive and noisy.

Basically, they had torn the old school fence into tatters and we knew they would tear our chain link fence into tatters (not to mention how much they would torment our poor dogs) so we fenced the yard so they would have 25 feet for their cutting through behaviors. I don't know why their parents don't take responsibility for them and utilize appropriate discipline.

One of them recently put a dead opposum in the mailbox of one of our neighbors (after the mail rain on Saturday) and by Monday the poor man was out installing a new mailbox. A dead oppossum cooking in St. Louis heat for two days required a new mailbox--not to mention the police and animal control to remove the body. It is my dearest hope that the poor oppossum was already dead before it went into the mailbox. I am refusing the allow myself to think about the level of suffering that poor animal experienced if that brat put it in there alive and allowed the sun to slowly kill it over the course of two days.

Anyway, a few years after we allowed them 25 feet of space, the school put up a new fence about 15 feet high. So, now there is the 15 foot high fence and lots of trees separating our back yard from the soccer field. The trees help deaden the cacaphony somewhat although a soundproof bubble over the entire yard would be nice. We can still hear the kids, but for the most part we can't see them. Apparently, the school put the fear of God in them. It speaks sadly to the state of parenthood that the school had to do it instead of the parents. The kids stopped climbing the fence and started walking to and from school the long way--on sidewalks like normal people.

That left us with 25 feet of never used space. The neighbor (who we like very much) asked if he could use that space of about 25 by 80 feet for vegetables and we said yes. We plan to leave the chain link fence on the back because I have little to no interest in privacy from the vegetable garden or the soceer field. I can easily plant Holly along the inside of that back fence to provide some privacy from the vegetables and further deaden the sound of "band practice". The privacy I want has to do with the sides of the yard.

The bid we got yesterday for basically 140 feet of fencing and 2 wide gates (including installation) was about $12,000.00 before tax. So, I decided to get other bids. Now, admittedly it was for a 6 foot high vinyl fence that allegedly is maintenance free. It's a really nice fence!!!! But, I decided to get another bid anyway. It may end up that I have to spend $12,000. for the fence, but I thought I'd get some other bids. I want a nice looking fence. The house is Eric's and it's a nice house.

There's a privacy fence 6 or 8 blocks from here that I've been admiring since it was installed. So, I stopped by and rang the bell to find out where they got it. The house belongs to a local cop who works night shift. I woke him. I didn't know it was a cop who works night shift. He was very nice in spite of the fact that I woke him. He provided the fencing company. Then, after I left him, I stopped at another house with a relatively new privacy fence and lo and behold, the same company installed it. I had admired it also. It's a local company.

The law allowing privacy fences only came into being about 6 or 8 months ago and so far few people in our city have them. Previously, all that had been permitted were chain link fences. Basically, it appears that this process is going to take much longer than I had hoped. Before the work can be done, I have to submit 2 drawings, pictures, a price quote and Lord knows what else to the city council. Then, they have to approve or disapprove it. This means waiting at least another month for the city council to meet. Then, if they approve it, I can have the work done. Then, it will have to be inspected by the city inspector.

I had hoped to have the privacy fence installed by the end of this week. All I had wanted was the ability to sit in the back yard and read a book without every neighbor watching me. Looks like it is going to take a lot of time and effort to accomplish such a simple goal. But, we forge ahead. I've always had this naive belief that Americans had a right to privacy. I guess, like happiness, we have the right to pursue privacy.