FUNCTIONING WHEN AFRAID

I have a friend and colleague (a young attorney) who volunteered to leave the wife he loves and the four sons he loves beyond all measure to go to the Middle East. We all hate war. My friend hates war. He'd already served his active duty status and did not have to volunteer. But, he got his law degree on the GI Bill and believed that he owed the country something.

So, he headed out (to do prosecutions for the US Government). He's a very good prosecutor and a smart man. He knew that Iraq was a dangerous place and he was a tad anxious.

I heard from him. One and one half weeks ago, he was still alive. I thank God because I care for him deeply as a person and respect the work he does here stateside enormously. I've been fortunate enough to get to work with him in court a couple of times. He does very very good work. We miss him and we need him at home.

Part of his job involves visiting prisons set up by the Iraqi government and the US Government to interview men and women who have been engaged in behaviors harmful to the war effort and to Iraqi civilians. We had spoken previously about the danger of those bombs buried in the roads--they are home made bombs jerry rigged together of ticky tack. But, they are very effective jerry rigged ticky tack.

A couple of weeks ago, two cars driven by American enlisted military men, several attorneys and two other enlisted men were headed out to a prison to do interviews. It was only about 8 blocks from their offices. Things started out OK. Then, the front tire of the front car bumped one of those bombs and it blew up. The driver of the second car (the one my friend was in) lost control of the car and it turned on it's side. Everybody in the front car survived. People were hurt, but it looks like they are all going to live. Some of them will have very painful recoveries due to the fire. People in the second car were hurt but did not sustain burns. They had broken bones, scraps, contusions, concussions, etc. They are going to live. The man in my friend's car who was carrying the "big gun" got hurt badly enough that he could not defend himself or the men he was supposed to keep safe. My friend was able to shake himself back to reason to begin to get upright and help get his colleagues out of the car.

People on the sidelines were throwing objects at the burning car and the wrecked car. In that fog of war and the fog of a car accident, my friend could not tell which of the objects being thrown were going to explode and which were going to make the fire worse. He was afraid to get out of the car or to help his colleagues out of the car because they faced being hurt worse. He was afraid to stay in the car because he feared that one of the objects being hurled at them would cause the car to explode and/or catch fire. He took the "big gun" from his hurt colleague and started to attempt to defend himself and his colleagues. The problem is that some times those objects people throw do explode or make fires worse. At this point, I don't know if the real problem is that people throw potentially explosive objects at a wrecked car or that we are there. Certainly, both sides are argued vehemently and continually.

Except during military service and military training, my friend has never shot a gun in his life--much less shot at a human being. He was afraid and he was confused. It's the fog of war! When people are trying to kill you and your colleagues, you fight back--even when you have just been in a car accident, even when you are disoriented and confused, even when your brain has been slammed around against your skull, even when you are afraid.

The men and women in both cars are alive. My friend got in a little trouble because he shot before he could identify whether the objects being thrown were going to explode or make the fire worse. It's hard, under those circumstances, to identify jerry rigged explosive devices. Basically, he got "written up" and fussed with. Nothing really serious is going to happen to him legally.

To me, the only thing that matters is all the Americans in those two cars are alive and will recover from their physical injuries. My friend was afraid! He probably still is. He wears his helmet and his jacket all the time--even in buildings. They are very hot, heavy and uncomfortable. Some of the guys don't wear them all the time. But, my friend is afraid and hopes that his helmet and jacket will provide him some protection.

Today, all I care about is that my friend is alive. I'm thankful for him and the men and women he was with that he was able to function when he was afraid. I don't care if he gets a medal or is written up. I want him to come home alive--preferably with all his parts still in working order.

I hate war. We all hate war.