ARMPIT OF THE NATION

Drove all the way to the armpit of the nation on Thursday. The first time I had to go there, I was awakened repeatedly during the night by what appeared to be Blackhawk helicopters hovering outside my window. Scared me half silly. These helicopters did not have markings. The second time I was there, the health department had closed down the hotel's restaurant. I asked for a recommendation at the front desk and they directed me about 6 blocks away to a place called Hoops. I walked down to find a street that was lined with strip joints. Feeling a tad uncomfortable and out of place, I peered through the window of Hoops and decided to skip dinner. Looking in, I just knew that if I entered that place it would lead to my arrest and require me to phone the young Asst. AG to come get me out of jail. The next time I went, I noticed very strange sounds coming from the next hotel room over. It sounded like someone was being assaulted--lots of thuds, falling, moans, etc. Then, the vomiting started and I realized that someone had been drinking way too much. I couldn't help but wonder when one would have to start drinking to be that drunk by 9 pm. This is alleged to be the premier hotel in the armpit of the nation!!!!

This time, I got to the hotel and checked in. I dragged all my stuff from the car and got it to the room. Fortunately, I didn't unpack. I look around for an ashtray and there is none. I go downstairs to the front desk to ask for an ashtray. I'm informed that it is a non-smoking room. Catherine knows that I will not stay in a non-smoking room and she always reserves me a smoking room. Catherine is very good at her job and doesn't make mistakes. I explain that the confirmation form specified a smoking room. Well, they didn't have one. I suggested they create one. No, they weren't going to create one. Seems their hotel has this rule that only 20 rooms are smoking and they were all booked. I ask why they didn't tell Catherine that when she booked the room. They say Catherine must have misunderstood. Catherine does not misunderstand. Then, they tell me that all their smoking rooms are under renovation. The stories kept changing.

So, I explained that I was going to check out and go to a different hotel. I called Catherine. She gets me a reservation at the Ramada Inn (for $1.00 less a night) and I moved. This state has a new law that went into effect January 1, 2008 that people can't smoke in any public place or within 15 feet of the door of any public place. I hate the Smoking Nazi's.

Anyway, I drag all my stuff back to the car and find the Ramada Inn. These people were also kind enough the next morning to print me a Mapquest Map of how to get from the Ramada Inn to the prison. By the way, you can't smoke on the grounds of any of the prisons either. I hate the Smoking Nazi's.

So, the next morning I head out to the prison and find it without difficulty. By 10 am I realize that I am having chills. The kind of chills very elderly people have shortly before death. I literally was unable to control the shaking of my legs and could barely walk. I managed to complete the evaluation and attempted to drive home. Thank God, the car has a heater that normally turns the car into a furnace just 2 degrees below the temperature needed for cremation. Thank God, the car has cruise control and an automatic transmission. My legs were not working well. I just kept getting sicker and at times believed I would not make it home.

I finally arrived home. I was still having chills. I did not have the energy to get my suitcases in from the car. In fact, I just got them in and the dirty clothes in the laundry. I sprawled on the couch under heavy blankets shaking so hard that the couch vibrated. These chills alternated about every 4 to 5 hours with a high fever and severe sweating. Everything hurt. My muscles ached. The bones in my knees ached. My lungs were so congested I could not breathe. My nose was running non-stop. I had the worst headache of my life. Everytime, I coughed (which was often) I developed sudden gastrointesinal surprises. By midnight, I was engaging in projectile vomiting all over the procelain tile. I was able to eat nothing until Monday at Noon.

Monday evening, Eric came home from work. He said to me "why didn't you tell me that you had contracted a weapon of mass destruction". He said, "If I'd known how sick you were, I'd have been more compassionate". He's in the bed right now under piles of blankets shivering and causing the bed to vibrate. He hurts everywhere. We're trying to contact the doctor.

As for me, the chills and fever have passed. I still have a bad headache, still coughing and sneezing uncontrollably.

Every single time, I venture to the armpit of the nation something bad happens to me. I hate the armpit of the nation and I hate Smoking Nazi's.

FRUSTRATION OF AN ORDINARY WOMAN

Tomorrow, I'm scheduled for a long trip--but a day trip. Thursday and Friday, I am scheduled for a very long trip requiring an overnight stay way up north. I literally drive the wheels off the little car so it is my standard practice about once a month to take the car in and get all sorts of maintenance issues completed. Today, I needed to stop by the grocery store, stop by two more stores to pick up needed items for the house or pets, and fill the tank with gas before taking the car in for its oil change.

It was supposed to simply be the usual full synthetic oil change. During the "check-up" they give the car, they discovered that the battery was about to go "belly up". I called Eric and told him what they charged to replace it (since I have no understanding of what is reasonable and what isn't). He said, get it done. Also, about two weeks ago when it was incredibly cold I went out to start the car. The car was just slightly resistant to starting. At that time, I thought "that battery doesn't sound right and needs to be checked". So, I told them to install the new battery. They installed it and told me to start the car. It started like a champ. I thought it was going to take off and roar out of the garage. And, then with no warning, the car simply died. The mechanics started that car at least 50 times and every time it did the same thing. The car had NEVER behaved that way. After several hours, they called the dealer.

Guess what folks, the company puts this little mechanism in these cars that if anyone but a dealer changes the battery, the idle resets so low that the car will not run. So the garage had to call the dealer back, have them send a tow truck, and haul the car to the dealer so they can "reset the scan". Of course, all their workers were gone for the day so they can't get it done today. That's one of the reasons I try to avoid dealerships. So the garage called the rental car company and rented me a Nissan Sentra for tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I had to call Eric and tell him to take off work and come get all the groceries so they didn't ruin overnight at the dealership. He graciously took off work and came and got a complete trunk full of groceries, took them home, carried them all in the house and put them away. And, I went to the rental car place to deal with all their paperwork. That experience alone is enough to make a person contemplate suicide or homicide. I hate Entriprise leasing.

I was just so frustrated. Basically, one is stopped from doing regular maintenance on one's car.

BATTLES NOT WORTH FIGHTING

I called my sister yesterday. I email her several times a week, but she doesn't answer email. She reads it. She just doesn't answer. Eric has a sister like that also.

My sister's reason is that her work life is consumed by the computer and she wants to keep her personal life without computers. Eric's sister says she doesn't know how to use email. However, she uses email at work and plays card games on the computer.. His sister did phone Saturday. Her daughter is expecting her first child in September about a month or so after her younger daughter gets married. Glad she called to let us know.

This non-email use by people in my family drives me buggy. I don't know how people keep in touch with folks without using email. I consider calling people on their phones profoundly intrusive! Basically it's a message of stop eating dinner, stop changing the diaper, stop doing the laundry, stop making love, stop whatever and pay attention to me. Sending an email seems far more polite because then people can finish doing whatever they are doing and email back when they have time. I guess my sister and Eric's sister never have time. I asked my sister yesterday how the blog was going. She is checking it every now and then because she quoted it. So, she's read some of it at least. At least she has the option of finding out what is going on with us if she wants.

Not much was going on with her yesterday. She had taken refuge in the bedroom because Dana was upset with the TV set. A few minutes before I called the Patriots had not been doing as well as he hoped. They won and were winning when I called but they weren't winning by a big enough spread I guess. Our TV was also piping in first the Patriots vs somebody and then the Packers vs the Giants. Modern day gladiators running, knocking each other down in weather so cold Penguins would have had the sense to hibernate. The fascination with football games and videogames totally baffles me!

I've given up on my sister. I'll just be impolite and telephone her. We'll both die before she'll email. Some battles are simply not worth fighting, but I'll never understand a preference for phone calls over email..

FOURTH ESTATE

Today I was driving home from an attempted evaluation (he turned me down). I had my cruise control set at 63 so I was exactly 2 miles under the speed limit and driving in the far right hand lane (the slow lane in that state). A state policeman passed me in the left lane going much faster than the speed limit--no light, no sirens. I thought "Boy, you better be on your way to do business as slow as the rest of us have to go". He passed me as if I were standing still. The road is long and flat. When he got up about 1/2 mile or so in front of me, his lights popped on. I thought "He got some poor fool doing two miles over the speed limit". But, nobody pulled over and soon he was well out of sight. So, I continued to plod along in the right hand land. Twenty-five miles later, I hadn't seen anyone pulled to the side of the road and assumed he and his prey had pulled off the highway onto a side road.



Another five miles or so up the road I encounterd him and five other state police cars in the median. All the police cars had their lights blinking. There were three "suspects" sprawled face down in the mud of the median with wrists cuffed behind them. An evidence van was pulling up accompanied by a tow truck. There was a sedate 4 door sedan sitting in the median also. All the seats had been removed. Two doors had been removed. At least two tires had been removed. And, there were several suspicious looking medium sized crates that appeared to be waiting quietly for the evidence van.



I had multiple urges. The reporter part of me was tempted to stop and try to find out what was going on. The individual who values human rights was tempted to stop and inquire of the three suspects as to whether they had lawyers. My "wise mind" told me to "maintain present speed, alter no behaviors, do not rubber neck, keep going straight and steady down the road and attract no attention". I followed "wise mind".



I've been telling myself I am just "nosy" and wanted to know what was going on and giving myself pats on the back for following "wise mind". I've told myself that the state police had to have probable cause to stop that car, search that car, remove the doors, tires, and seats from that car. I've told myself those crates did look very suspicious.

Yet, I know violation of rights and liberty. I see it nearly every day and I know it in my own personal life! I also am a true believer in the "fourth estate" for its explicit capacity of advocacy and its implicit ability to frame political issues. Alongside, that road as those three suspects sprawled in the cold mud of the median, hands cuffed behind their backs there were no lawyers and there were no representatives of the "fourth estate". They were profoundly alone and all of us drove by and left them in the mud alone.

In our house, we argue about the press almost daily. Actually, he rants and makes pronouncements and, for the most part, I keep silent. It's an issue that has the potential to explode like a nuclear warhead in our home. For me, a free press serves to insure freedom. I value a truly free press as much as my right to vote. And, I soothe and comfort myself with the reality that just because I keep silent to maintain our home it does not mean I have been converted.

I fell guilty about not stopping and intervening today. Stopping and intervening would have meant arrest and jailing for interfering with law enforcement. Then, I would have been in jail with no lawyer and no "fourth estate" to speak for me. Landing myself in jail would loose both my licenses and my job. To comfort myself, I just keep telling myself that probably those three suspects were guilty of something.

CORRECTION

After Eric read yesterday's post, he corrected me. The plane was a small plane. It did not crash. (I swear he had told me previously that it crashed, but it was probably a misunderstanding in the middle of a contentious discussion about his refusal to fly!). Anyway, he was only about 18 months or two years old, his father and I guess someone else took him up flying with them, someone did not check for adequacy of fuel, the plane ran out of fuel and they experienced a rather rough landing in a potato field somewhere in Europe or England. His mother was not a happy woman! She apparently believed that the first thing one should do before taking a plane off (especially with her toddler aboard) was to make sure you have enough fuel to complete the flight and land the plane safely.

Now that I stand corrected and you stand corrected, it's interesting to me that they had a rough landing in a potato field and he has turned into a potato. Speaks to the importance of experiences during the formative years I think!

Eric and Marty

Now for the reality. The picture on my profile was taken in my youth by my former husband. It has always been one of my favorites.

This picture is "now" demonstrating the ravages of time. Eric and I are sitting in church awaiting the beginning of the wedding ceremony of Becky and Dave. My former husband took this picture also. He can be contacted at Roger@RogerSmithGallery.com.

Eric and I have been together since 1999. He has accepted me, my job (with more than a little jumpiness), my son, the grandchildren, all my dogs and cats, my former husband and his wife with remarkable understanding and grace. He does start his car from about 10 or 15 feet outside his car because he has concerns that one of my "clients" or their families may blow the car up. This is not total paranoia. In my last job, one of the clients did hire a professional "hit man" to take me out. Very annoying incident!

I refer to Eric as a potato (even to his face). He's a good man, but he spent his childhood living all over the world--moving every two years. His parents were stationed in all sorts of places including third world countries and moved every two years. Much of his young life he spent on planes. Indeed one of them crashed (bad crash) when he was about 5 years old and on the plane. When he returned from Viet Nam, he planted himself like a potato and has refused to be uprooted since then.

This causes me to complain because I want to go to France, Italy, Greece, Scotland, Turkey, Russia, etc. Eric believes it's dangerous for Americans to be outside the continental borders and refuses to go. It would be difficult to go as I only get one week of vacation a year and there seems to be a constant stream of "emergency" cases. But, I desperately want to go--just on a trip--not to stay. Eric won't even fly. I do not earn enough vacation time to drive to Texas to see the grandchilren so I always have to fly and see them alone. Eric's a potato with a 20 foot tap root! Drives me nuts. However, he has an overwhelming number of very good qualities!

His sister lived in Saudi Arabia for 10 or 12 years. Now, I have no desire to visit Saudi Arabia, but it is difficult to know that I'll never get to travel outside the United States unless I go alone.

SANDWICH MOM

I spoke with a colleague this morning to find out why she had not completed some tasks I needed for her to complete for me. I had mentioned to Eric that she's serving as parent to an 84 year old father who just had colon cancer surgery and should be getting out of ICU, a nearly blind mother of about the same age who just had eye surgery, 4 children (one of whom just had brain surgery and has had 4 open heart surgeries), and four Ph.D's who depend on her for everything from hotel rooms to the absolute scheduling of our professional lives. I personally cannot fathom how the woman does all she does. And, I am utterly dependant on her. I'd never get anywhere I am supposed to be and would be sleeping in my car in the wrong town without her.

So, I called her because I had not had an email from her since the 11th and it's the 15th. Normally, I get emails, faxes and cell phone calls from her daily.

Well the latest is that her 12 year old daughter has started cutting on herself. Very superficial cuts that my colleage mistook for cat scratches. The child had spent the night with friends who have a bunch of cats, the child loves cats and the markings were so superficial they could easily be perceived as cat scratches. But, they weren't and my colleague found out it was a second episode.

It seems that the child had been at summer camp and she and a bunch of the other kids had been discussing the stess in their lives. The other kids told her that cutting relieved the stress. The child is under a lot of stress.

She's getting less attention because of her grandfather's health problems, her grandmother's health problems and her brother's health problems. She's an overachieving child academically who is working very hard to maintain a straight A record in school because she is working very hard to qualify for the most academically stringent private Catholic school in her town. She's only 12 and there are only 9 girls in her class at school. They are very interested in boys and she has no interest in boys yet. They ridicule her, bully her and exclude her! She's a big boned girl who is going to be like her mother (very tall and big boned) but right now she is slightly pudgy. The girls at school ridicule her due to her size! It doesn't matter that when she is grown she will probably be 6 ft. tall and athletic. Right now, she's somewhat awkward. The kid is under stress. It's just that cutting doesn't help. It hurts. Now the school is all upset. The kid is embarrassed and guilty. The kid is being taken to mental health professionals by parents who don't know what else to do.

Our children have entirely too much stress in their lives. Bullying and ridicule should be eliminated in schools and neighborhoods. Bullying and ridicule does nothing but damage to people--children or adults. Children must learn bullying and ridicule from the adults in their lives. We've got to be modeling that for children!

Meanwhile, I'm worried about my colleague. She just keeps on "truckin"--dealing on a daily basis with all the crises in the office, dealing on a daily basis with all the crises in the home, dealing on a daily basis with all the crises on the schoolyard and managing the lives of four Ph.D's. May the Lord in His infinite mercy and grace, help the sandwich moms.

FRIENDS OUT OF THE PAST

Years ago, there was a list serve for fans of a popular mystery writer that many of us referred to as the Cornwell list. There was probably 50 plus active members and an unknown number of lurkers. The list was abruptly terminated and shut down when the web master took a job for the famous author. Thankfully, some of us on the list had exchanged personal email addressess.

I remember being quite seriously ill once and two of the list members shipping me a get well basket. Those two same list members traveled to England to meet with yet another list member. And, a Russian list member sent me a lovely enamel Russian pendant that I still have.

Diane, Claudia and I have kept in touch over the years. We have a common shared value of loving animals and send pictures of our beloved animals back and forth. I lost contact with our friend Cathy in England some years ago. Diane was kind enough to relay a message to Cathy that I was asking after her. Cathy wrote me a long chatty email. It was so incredibly wonderful to hear from her!

When I first met Cathy, she was still living in Hong Kong. She had been born there, but was unsure about remaining there when England turned Hong Kong over to the Chinese. She had been a witness to the incredible violence of "T" square. So, she left Hong Kong and established a life in England. She's been there 7 1/2 years now and appears to have made a good life for herself.

Cathy is in investment banking of which I have absolutely no knowledge. I know she puts in dreadfully long hours and did so when she was living in Hong Kong. In a few weeks she's headed for India. I don't think there is any holiday in this trip. She loves holidays and I remember her heading off to Istanbul some years ago to pick up some rugs for her flat shortly after she moved to England. I think this trip to India is totally business. I know she's moving some work from Bangalore to Mumbai. She went to Bangalore in 2004 to put some functions offshore there. I think Mumbai may be in Africa and I have no idea where Bangalore is. Possibly, they are on different coasts of India. I'll have to look those places up and find out where they are. I know she's faced with moving a system that has been running smoothly for four years across an entire continent and retraining 100% of the staff to do critical highly important investment banking business. She's going to have to merge it into another world and completely change the structure of it. Sounds daunting to me!

She said she hadn't been on holiday since 2001 and she really hopes to take about a month for holiday once she finishes the India trip. She wants to explore the United Kingdom and she'd love to visit Russia visiting all the Baltic capital ports on the way.

I wish her the very best and hope she gets that holiday. She deserves it!!!! And, I am grateful that she wrote. Her note took me back to wonderful times in my own history.

I'm still sorry the list serve was terminated so suddenly. I met wonderful people and made wonderful friends on it. Without the list serv, I rarely read Cornwell anymore. In the days of the list serv, we all bought every new book and read it cover to cover the first day it was available in the stores. I bought Cornwell's newest book (Book of the Dead) about six or eight weeks ago and have yet to crack the cover.

SAVING DANDY

For much of the last two days I've been on a one woman journey in an attempt to save Dandy. I must give credit for help from an old dear friend from the now defunct Cornwell list. As I have mentioned previously, I make and keep friends for years upon years even when we are separated by time and space. Diane (not my former husband's wife--a different Diane) is one of those wonderful friends. She provided me with web addresses for rescue associations in the Southeastern part of the USA.

You are probably asking, "Who's Dandy". Dandy had the great misfortune to be purchased or stolen from someone's yard by a man now in jail awaiting murder charges for the murder of the young female hiker who was hiking with her Black Lab. Now the police are saying that this alleged murderer may also be responsible for the deaths of multiple victims. Meanwhile, Dandy is sitting in a pound (on death row) being held as evidence by the police. I can't imagine that they expect that this dog is going to talk and tell them what he saw. The truth is that Dandy went trotting on the trail with the alleged murderer, met the young woman hiker, trotted about with her Black Lab and was unfortunately picked up when the police caught the alleged murderer. Dandy murdered no one. He just did what part Irish Setters do when they meet friendly hikers and friendly Black Labs in the woods. But, now Dandy sits on death row awaiting execution.

So for the last two days, I've contacted multiple rescue agencies, multiple news papers, multiple TV stations informing them of Dandy's fate and begging for their help in rescuing him and making the public aware of his fate. So far, only one rescue agency has responded saying that they were aware of the situation and had contacted the DeKalb County Animal Shelter on his behalf. But, because Dandy is "evidence" nothing can be done to save him right now. He must remain in an isolation cell until he is of no further use. Then, I fear he will be killed because I'm sure he's taking up space and probably eats a lot. I've also contacted KeKalb County Animal Shelter expressing my interest and concern. They have not responded.

Now, I totally disapprove of the killing of animals that goes on in shelters on a daily basis--dogs, cats, and whatever else they can find that no one cared enough to save. But, this dog is in danger because of guilt by association. Allegedly, his owner did horrible things. Will someone step forward to save Dandy even though he is somehow guilty by association with an alleged murderer. Dandy didn't murder anybody. He ran and played and wagged his tail with a Black Lab!.

Animals don't get to choose who purchases them or steals them anymore than children get to choose their parents. I don't believe in condemning children due to the sins of their fathers or mothers and I absolutely believe animals should not be condemned because of the sins of their purported owners.

Anyone who wants to help save this dog: He's at the DeKalb County Animal Shelter in Georgia. You can find their email on google--I did.

Somebody save Dandy!!!!!

COWS

Tuesday, I drove 6 hours north. Really cold up there! Surpising how cold such a few hundred miles makes. There were very large chunks of ice floating in the river. We had a trial on Wednesday. Four very difficult hours on the stand. After court, I chose to drive Highway 97 home. Highway 97 is a good 2 lane state highway. I chose to go 97 because even though I have to drive slower I save about 1/4 tank of gasoline by taking the shorter route.

So, I'm driving along admiring the country scene. About every 5 to 7 miles there will be a little bitty town of 200 to 500 people and that slows things down, but it also provides little gas stations where you can get help if needed, can purchase coffee, can use public bathrooms and purchase gas if needed. In this job, I take this route often enough that I sort of know some of the folks who work in those little stations. In between the tiny little towns there are farms--acres and acres of corn and multiple fields dotted with cattle and horses. So, I'm driving along and suddenly in the distance I see approximately 30 steers--actually two of them were cows desperately in need of milking. There were no bulls.

I know bulls. When I was a young girl, I was at Uncle Harold's farm one summer day and one of his bulls got mad at us kids and chased us. I got over the fence, but he was running hard, snorting and steaming. He was running so hard that he rammed his head through the fence. So, I know to stay away from bulls. These were all steers except for two cows.

I slowed down to a stop and honked and honked at them to get out of the road. At first, they looked at me--nodding their heads pleasantly and switching their tails now and again. But, I kept honking and all the steers and one cow moved off to the shouldeer where they stood nodding at me and switching their tails now and again. One cow was sprawled in the middle of the road with her tail spread out behind her. She didn't appear sick. She appeared relaxed. I think she may have run off previously because she was wearing a collar with a big bell. Anyway she remained sprawled in the middle of the road, nodding at me and occasionally flopping her tail. She totally ignored my repeated honking. I didn't want to run over her and she'd flop her tail out full length behind her. I didn't want to drive over her tail because that would probably have hurt her. Clearly her intellectual functioning was already impaired. There's no reason to intentionally hurt a stupid person or a stupid cow. The only thing left to do was drive way off on the shoulder to get around her. This whole cow incident added about 45 minutes to my trip home.

When I got to the next town, I stopped in the gas station and told them that about 3 miles back down the road somebody's cows had escaped. Eric said I should have called the police, but I didn't even know what small towns I was between. I just knew I was on 97 somewhere between Galesburg and Springfield.

Taking 97 normally saves me about 1/4 tank of gas, but I 74 doesn't have loose cows. I think next time, I probably need to take I 74.

I never cease to be amazed at how glamorous my life has become.

On the Stand

Tuesday, I drove 6 hours north and then met with two Assistant Attorney Generals for nearly 4 hours. Wednesday, I was on the stand for 4 hours. Well, the Judge did call for an 8 minute break. I suspect he had to use the bathroom. I did. Then, I drove 6 hours home.

Don't know the outcome. The defense expert was testifying today. When the Judge makes the decision someone will let me know his decision I believe. It was a bench trial so this entire mess falls into that poor judges' lap. God bless the poor man! I did my best and at least it should be over one way or the other. Well, unless he is not committed and he re-offends. There is no doubt in my mind that if he is not committed, he'll re-offend. If he re-offends, I'll probably have to do it all over again. The overwhelming bright spot is now I can get those two huge legal document boxes out of my office. Maybe I'll be able to walk around in the office.

Got a nice note from the assistant attorney general this morning. She said that I did great in court, that I really knew the case inside and out, and my knowledge of the case showed in court. Her compliment was especially appreciated as she is a woman who rarely gives anybody a compliment. I must admit that as I was leaving court I felt calm, peaceful, competent, and not at all frustrated or flustered. As I was walking back to my car, I realized how much the training I took in November with Dr. Stanley Brodsky had helped. He focused on teaching us how to stay calm and "to take your power back" even in the face of brutal assaults from the defense attorney. As I was sitting in class, I didn't think I was learning that much. But, yesterday the peace and calm I felt--even when under nasty verbal assault--told me that the training had helped enormously. I need to email Dr. Brodsky and tell him.

I've got another Probable Cause hearing on January 29th and a big trial on February 5th. Once that February 5th trial is over I can get another huge legal document box out of my office. Getting the boxes of police reports, old treatment records, evidence, etc. out of my office is always a big plus. I've also got an evaluation case I'm working on that I believe is going to require referral. And, I have three more cases waiting to be evaluated.

Mainly, I'm feeling really peaceful with my work yesterday and how it comes out is how it comes out. We do the best work we can and then let it go!

Old friends

Spent some time today talking to my oldest and dearest non blood and non marital friend. We've kept in touch since the 1970's by phone, email and when we can both manage it in person. It's scary to think about, but we've been friends for 30 plus years now.

It helped. I feel less isolated and less alone after talking with him today. Thankfully, he's never worked at the old place so I'm still allowed to speak with him. He's more or less appalled also that in the United States of America this can happen to a law abiding, tax paying ordinary American citizen. But, I think he's less surprised than I was. I was so naive that I actually believed we ordinary folks had some rights. Clearly those rights can be removed anytime some one decides it's convenient for them to do so.

I've got scads of family and friends scattered all over the country. I've chose to include friends in my life who are not in my business. The unfortunate part of that is they have absolutely no way to relate to this world I live in. However, they read books, see movies, raise children, cook, go to plays, decorate their houses, write books, take beautiful photographs, create wonderful art-------they keep my life balanced. Wonderful people, encourage me to keep the bad guys off the street. Sometimes, the bad guys are not the inmates, patients or residents. Sometimes the bad guys are the guys who run the system. Now, that is not to say that the inmates, residents, patients have not done really bad things and won't do lots more really bad things if they get a chance. They will. I promise.

But, the guys who run the systems are a different type of bad. For them, it is all about power. And, not power in a good way. It's about self-serving, self-aggrandizing power and control. The good thing about all this misery is I see much more clearly than I have in the past.

Years ago, I remember an old actor in the movie Three Days of the Condor who said "I miss the clarity" as he recalled the old days. Well, for me the old days didn't provide clairity, but things are getting a whole lot clearer in the new days. Ugly--but clearer. And, clarity (even when ugly) is a good thing.

Cluster "headache"

This last case was what cops call a cluster "headache". Trying to avoid being offensive on these posts. I busted my tush on New Years Eve, New Years Day and the day after getting that evaluation completed so that we could meet the court deadline of 1/7/08.



Well, everything changed. We don't know why. Suddenly his release was delayed. Suddenly, the trial will be transferred to another county. I was looking forward to not having to drive as far because, for once, the county is relatively close. But, as it turns out the prosecutor of his original county is now the judge in that county so the whole trial had to be moved to a different county. And, the entire process has been delayed until the middle of February. I've still got plenty to do--that's not the problem. The problem is that my entire holiday can simply be disrupted (actually cancelled) because some clerk or bunch of clerks miscalculated dates. The whole thing is just a cluster "headache".


At least Iowa is over. And, we rolled on to New Hampshire. At least the Clinton's were stopped in Iowa. Hopefully, that train has been derailed. I'd love to see a woman elected president, but not her. I've had enough of Clintons. Of course, I dread the idea that the Ken doll the Republican's appear to want to shove off on us might get elected. But, with all that money and that pretty plastic face we may be doomed to him. We're sort of faced with trying to sort through the whole bunch of them and find the least dreadful of the lot. I guess that's always the way it is. It's a sad state of affairs. I remember when we had heros running for President-------a very long time ago.

Another sad state of affairs is that the missing lady's dog wondered into a Kroger store, the police found a lot of bloody evidence in a dumpster they suggest the old man put there and his dog ended up in an animal shelter. I wonder how long that dog will survive or if anyone can or will come to its rescue. The poor dog had nothing to do with the whole horrific story.


Feeling sad tonight. Must sign off before I depress everybody else.

Privacy Violation

Years ago I used to work for a place here in the state where I live. I worked there 5 1/2 years. The administration bored the living daylights out of me!. I considered them narrow-minded and shallow (among many other negative characteristics). I became increasingly irritated and believed my talents were being wasted. So, I did what people in the USA do. I looked for another job that better fit my skills, talents, needs and desires. And, I found the incredibly wonderful job I hold now where I am as happy as can be. These new folks keep me intellectually challenged, use my talents and skills well and provide me with a remarkable amount of independence and autonomy.

However, there are many wonderful, hard-working, talented, honest, decent, good people who worked at the old place. Some still do. Others moved on to new jobs or retired.


Over the years at the old job, I made a number of good friends. For heavens sake, I was there 5 1/2 years. When people left, we maintained contact by phone or email. Up until a few months ago, some of the people who still worked there and I maintained contact. This is not unusual for me. I have friends and family spread over much of the US and Canada that I have maintained contact with for much longer than 5 1/2 years.

So I am out of there, driving many long miles up and down the highways singing to Bon Jovi's Lost Highway. It reminds me of how I felt the last time I drove away from the old place. Driving away from that place the last time was one of the best feelings I've ever had!


Then, the ugliness reared its head. The old place got sued. I don't even know why they got sued. They just got sued. I don't work there and I don't think it has anything to do with me. I don't even care why they got sued. I don't know what goes on at the old job and I don't care what goes on there. I do care very deeply, very passionately about some of the good people that got left behind.

So now, every email that any old friend from there (even the retired ones or the ones that quit and got new jobs)--every email from one of them--every email to one of them needs to be turned over to the lawyers. Apparently, what the lawyers are afraid of or hope for (depending on the lawyer) is that one of us will say something about the old place--something they can use. I find it profoundly annoying. I find the invasion of privacy annoying and I find the assumption that we have nothing more interesting and compelling than the old place in our lives.

What the lawyers don't seem to understand is that none of us are interested in the old place. We don't care what they are doing or not doing. We don't care what is happening at the place. We quit or retired! We don't discuss the place. We exchange pictures of grandchildren, pictues of family members, viral emals that are pretty or funny, recipes, discuss how our children are doing in Iraq, discuss the health of our parents, discuss pets--------ordinary stuff that has nothing to do with the old place. The emails are personal communications between personal friends.



In truth, I don't care if the lawyers have the emails. I am not concerned that they are going to do anything with pictures of my grandchildren, or the new living room decor. The truth of the matter is that once they have examined the emails and are unable to find any tidbits about the old place, they simply delete the emails. It is very clear that their only interest is things that go on at the old place or might have gone on.

Yesterday, after another little conversation with the lawyers, I made a decision not to contact any of those old friends again or answer any email they send me. I don't know what those old friends will think when they attempt to contact me and I simply never reply. They may think I've died. They may think I'm angry with them. They may think I'm a stuck up snob who has suddenly abandoned them.

What it comes down to is that I am giving up all contact with a large group of friends I care about dearly. Somehow, all the years of my life living in the United States, I have believed that all of us citizens were allowed free open communication with other citizens. I am very sad.

Iowa

I have nothing personal against Iowa or the good people of Iowa, however I am really tired of the non-stop coverage of their utterly archaic practice they substitute for a primary. At least the other states actually have primaries. For the love of Pete, buy some voting booths and have people line up and cast their vote--then shut up. Personally, I think any state that refuses to invest in and use voting booths should simply be completely ignored.

I'm afraid to turn on the TV, radio, pick up a newspaper, thumb through a magazine or answer my phone. And, I must have deleted 700 political emails this morning.


I can't tell a snail's snot bit of difference between the Democratic candidates. It all looks pretty much like snail snot to me. Except that the idea of a 30 year history with the Clinton's worries me greatly. And, the Republican's? There are some very worrisom folks in that bunch. Of that bunch, I only trust one. Seems like in a country this size, we could find someone to run for President.


One thing I know is that I have been voting for nearly 40 years and have never yet voted for a winner. So probably, all these guys are just praying I don't vote for them. I couldn't blame them!

The worst part of all of this is that we are going to have to live and die with our choices and it seems like we are being presented nothing but problematic choices.

Finally Done

Finally that report is done! Everything has been emailed and faxed to Catherine. Have discussed the case with the AG. Now we just wait and see if the AG or States Attorney decides to file on him. If so, we'll deal with the PC Hearing within 72 hours after they file. Thankfully, the county of commitment is close by so I won't have to make a long trip.

I worked really hard on the report. Interviewed for hours on New Years Eve, drove four hours total to get to the prison and get home, and in spite of the best of intentions fell asleep on the couch. I was exhausted and emotionally drained. During the interview, I knew it was a really bad case and my own ethics and integrity were going to require me to recommend that we refer. Got the staffing written early on New Years Day, staffed it. Bosses agreed with me. So, I started writing the report. Wrote straight through until 12:30 this morning and then fell into bed. Got up at 4:00 and wrote until noon. Good report I think. Faxed all the forms to Catherine and emailed her the report. I proofed it and spell checked it, but I had a little trouble with the format. There were so many diagnoses to deal with and such a long history of offending to explain.
Thankfully, Catherine has a magic wand and is able to change even my formatting errors to perfection. I don't want to consider life without her.

It was just a really tough report and when they are as complex as this case, you have to get the writing in a tightly organized format while still explaining so that non-psychologists can understand the content you are trying to explain.

It will be easier to explain on the witness stand than it was in writing. Anyway, at least this one is done and I can get a few breaths. I've got another one evaluated that I think is going to require referral, but I have a day or two or three to work on that one. And, I have three more pending cases that have not been evaluated yet. I've got the pending PC and the big trial coming up.

Besides being intellectually challenging, hard, honorable work there's never any shortage of this work. I don't have a problem with idle hands! I dearly love this job. I don't have a problem with ever getting bored. There's always something that needs to be done.

Emergency Cases

Tired!!!!! Went to a prison on the "Emergency Case" Catherine called me about on Thursday. I evaluated him yesterday on New Years Eve. It was a really difficult interview that took about two hour longer than usual. His history is very long and complex. I came home New Years Eve and was just utterly exhausted--both emotionally and physically. Intended to get the staffing written up last night. This was just an emotionally exhaustive case. I felt like I'd been drained of blood and life. Instead of getting the staffing written up last night, I fell asleep on the couch.


Got up very early and wrote the staffing from about 3 am until 9 am. Then, I called my bosses at home on New Years Day and we did the staffing. Basically, there's no way to avoid referring this man. All of us are in a state of shock that he's not been caught, charged and convicted far more often than he has. Can't face living with myself if I don't refer this man. There is simply too much risk that he will re-offend if he's outside of a highly structured environment and without treatment he has literally no reasonable probability of not re-offending. So, I've been writing the report all day. I should have it finished by late tomorrow. If either the AG or the State's Attorney decides to take our advice and files on him, we'll need to be in court no less than 72 hours after they file. I've got another big trial hundreds of miles from here on the 9th.

These are the difficult days. Thankfully, they pass. These are the days that you just keep putting one foot in front of the other (or in my case, one finger tapping after the next). The work just has to be done! So, you do it. Ideally he'll get the treatment he so desperately needs and deserves. His offense history is so extensive. Ideally, there will be no more victims--ever--at his hands.