SANDWICH MOM

I spoke with a colleague this morning to find out why she had not completed some tasks I needed for her to complete for me. I had mentioned to Eric that she's serving as parent to an 84 year old father who just had colon cancer surgery and should be getting out of ICU, a nearly blind mother of about the same age who just had eye surgery, 4 children (one of whom just had brain surgery and has had 4 open heart surgeries), and four Ph.D's who depend on her for everything from hotel rooms to the absolute scheduling of our professional lives. I personally cannot fathom how the woman does all she does. And, I am utterly dependant on her. I'd never get anywhere I am supposed to be and would be sleeping in my car in the wrong town without her.

So, I called her because I had not had an email from her since the 11th and it's the 15th. Normally, I get emails, faxes and cell phone calls from her daily.

Well the latest is that her 12 year old daughter has started cutting on herself. Very superficial cuts that my colleage mistook for cat scratches. The child had spent the night with friends who have a bunch of cats, the child loves cats and the markings were so superficial they could easily be perceived as cat scratches. But, they weren't and my colleague found out it was a second episode.

It seems that the child had been at summer camp and she and a bunch of the other kids had been discussing the stess in their lives. The other kids told her that cutting relieved the stress. The child is under a lot of stress.

She's getting less attention because of her grandfather's health problems, her grandmother's health problems and her brother's health problems. She's an overachieving child academically who is working very hard to maintain a straight A record in school because she is working very hard to qualify for the most academically stringent private Catholic school in her town. She's only 12 and there are only 9 girls in her class at school. They are very interested in boys and she has no interest in boys yet. They ridicule her, bully her and exclude her! She's a big boned girl who is going to be like her mother (very tall and big boned) but right now she is slightly pudgy. The girls at school ridicule her due to her size! It doesn't matter that when she is grown she will probably be 6 ft. tall and athletic. Right now, she's somewhat awkward. The kid is under stress. It's just that cutting doesn't help. It hurts. Now the school is all upset. The kid is embarrassed and guilty. The kid is being taken to mental health professionals by parents who don't know what else to do.

Our children have entirely too much stress in their lives. Bullying and ridicule should be eliminated in schools and neighborhoods. Bullying and ridicule does nothing but damage to people--children or adults. Children must learn bullying and ridicule from the adults in their lives. We've got to be modeling that for children!

Meanwhile, I'm worried about my colleague. She just keeps on "truckin"--dealing on a daily basis with all the crises in the office, dealing on a daily basis with all the crises in the home, dealing on a daily basis with all the crises on the schoolyard and managing the lives of four Ph.D's. May the Lord in His infinite mercy and grace, help the sandwich moms.